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The first email Clayton Alred received from Dennis McMillan was intriguing.

An  Ancestry.com DNA test revealed the two men shared genetic markers and probably some family members.

But the second email stunned Alred, former president of Eastern New Mexico University-Ruidoso.  It revealed the two men shared the same parents. At age 69, Alred learned he had a brother.

McMillan knew he was adopted, but never knew if he had siblings.

“I knew I was adopted, but I had very little information about my birth parents or any other family,” McMlillan, 71, said Monday.

“The first clue that I had was after my adoptive parents passed and I was cleaning out some of the possessions at their home and I found a notice my adoptive mother had cut out of a newspaper and it was an obituary for my biological grandfather.”

He never had a conversation with his mother when he was younger about being adopted, McMillan said.

“She had written in the margin, ‘Dennis’ grandfather.’ I looked at that with a lot of curiosity,” McMillan said.

“As I went through (the obituary), it listed the survivors and one name was circled. There was no indication other than that, and I knew that Grady Alred was my father. I figured she was telling me after the fact who my grandfather and father were.” 

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Later, his daughter bought him a DNA kit to try to track genetic relatives.

“She explained that everybody was doing it and a lot of people were finding family they didn’t know they had,” McMillan said.

“She got me started and I began to try to solve the puzzle. I knew the name Grady Alred. Between that and other DNA match information, I did genealogical research and discovered I had a brother I didn’t know I had.”

First contact

McMillan’s research uncovered striking parallels between the careers of the brothers. They both worked for the same boss at different times.

“When I working for Amarillo College, I worked for a man named Greg Williams,” McMillan said. “He left and went to Odessa College and while he was there, one of the people who worked for him was Clayton Alred, so we both had the same boss at different schools.

“I contacted Greg and told him first that I thought we were brothers or half brothers. He said he could see similar temperaments and personalities.”

McMillan was cautious sending the first email to Alred.

“I didn’t want to blurt out ‘Hey, I’m your brother.’ I just told him I was doing genealogical research and thought I was related to his father and by extension to him,” McMillan said.

“I wrote that I wanted to talk to him and fill in some blanks. He responded and said he would be glad to tell me more about the family story.”

But in the next lengthy email, McMillan poured out more of his story.

“I wrote about all the DNA links and being related to people with the same family name as his mother and grandmother,” McMillan said. “It was obvious after reading that, we were related to each other. That was when (Alred) had his ‘Aha’ moment.”

McMillan was born in Lubbock, Texas and was adopted by a couple there. His biological parents relocated to San Angelo, fewer than 200 miles away, and Alred was born there.

McMillan’s adoptive mother never lost track of the family as the obituary showed. When his adoptive father was dying of cancer, they spoke several times about what happened and how it was handled. 

Their biological parents first had a daughter, but after they were separated, their mother learned she was pregnant with a second child. She thought she could not raise both on her own and gave McMillan up for adoption. The parents later reconciled and Alred was born.

“For almost seven decades I had absolutely no idea that my parents had a baby boy before I was born,” Alred said. “The email Dennis described was stunning.”

“That second email explained all the information from the DNA database, and it was absolutely stunning for me to read those and hear him describe DNA results. I wrote back and said the only way you have the DNA you do is if you got it from my mother and father.”

Similarities

McMillan lives in New Braunfels, Texas. After he identified Alred as his brother, he began to do some research and discovered that even though they weren’t raised together,  there were many similarities in their lives.

“We both were college administrators,” McMillan said. “I worked at Texas Tech and Amarillo College. We did a lot of the same kinds of administrative responsibilities.”

Although not twins, people now seeing their picture together comment on how much they look alike. They also tend to dress the same.

“The day we met face to face, I got up in the morning and put on some sandals, cargo shorts and a green polo shirt,” McMillan said. “About noon that day, Clayton pulled up out front and he was wearing sandals, cargo shorts and a green polo shirt.

“When (he and his wife Lise) drove from Texas over here to come visit, I got out of the car and walked into the house. I was wearing cargo shorts and a navy shirt and so was Clayton.”

McMillan has not met his older sister, but Alred said he and wife Catherine, his brother and his wife are driving to San Angelo (Wednesday), where McMillan will meet his mother and sister, who is flying in from Pennsylvania.

“So Wednesday the 9th will be a red letter day,” Alred said.

Their mother is 93 and in a nursing home.

“Mother has a fading memory, but I talked to her and she said a couple things to me and one was she only got to hold that baby one time,” Alred said of his mother’s description of giving up her child. “The other was that as a single mom separated, there was no way she could take care of a baby girl and another child, and that prompted the decision.

“I have tried to prepare her and remind her she did have a baby boy.”

Alred said he still finds it amazing that without knowing it, through the years the brothers must have brushed pass each other at state conventions, legislative functions and  accreditation hearings, while he worked at Odessa College.

But also coming from different universities, a rivalry has blossomed between the two men and their offspring, who are preparing to meet cousins they never knew existed. Growing up in Lubbock, McMillan earned two degrees from Texas Tech, while Alred is bound to the University of Texas, where he earned his doctorate in Education Administration/ Community College Leadership Program.

Several members of each family will all be in Austin in November, where the a block of seats has been purchased for the game between the two universities.

“A lot of the next generation and the second beyond will attend,” Alred said.

More: Clayton Alred retires from ENMU

“it has been very moving for both of us,” Alred said. “I joke around and tell people that I have an older brother and we never fought or had an ounce of sibling rivalry.”

More: Zombie Run raises money for ENMU-Ruidoso scholarships

Dennis and his wife Lise each have a son and daughter. The Alreds also have a son, Steven in San Angelo and a daughter, Mollie in Austin.

Reporter Dianne Stallings cam be contacted at dstallings@ruidosonews.com.

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