There’s someone out there for everyone, but randomly swiping through hundreds of singles to find them takes the sort of dreary dedication that more closely resembles R&D than romance. Narrow the field and up your odds with apps and websites that cater to your own awesome niche. Whether you’re a lonely lefty, Black Card-carrying hedgey, or unashamedly obsessed with the wonderful world of Disney, these hyperspecialized dating services are for you. And, yes, they’re all real.
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Luxy pitches itself to “successful” and “ambitious” singles. Unofficially it has been called “Tinder without poor people.” Full use of the app requires upgrading to Luxy BLACK ($99.99 for a month’s subscription). Once you’re in, you’ll choose from a helpful list of signifiers that best reflect your upmarket lifestyle—options include “Actress,” “CEO,” and “Lamborghini.” Not rich enough to join? A few free memberships are offered to hoi polloi deemed hot enough to mingle with the 1 percent. But you won’t accidentally run into any Trumps on the service. The site requires all applicants to submit their tax returns for income verification.
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Driving to Anaheim, trudging around, and dodging children in the middle of a Pluto-sighting frenzy—and wanting to do it all again!—defines daters on MouseMingle, who know their passion for Disneyland won’t freak out potential matches. At sign-up, expect to name your favorite characters and have a stance on where Star Wars and Marvel fit into the Disney firmament. Play your cards right, and you might meet your Mickey or Minnie looking to settle and go halfsies on an annual pass. MouseMingle is in no way associated with the Walt Disney Company, but so far Bob Iger apparently has been too busy counting his comic-book-blockbuster loot to shut it down.
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Lumen isn’t a place for millennials seeking a May-December romance; everyone on the app must verify that they are at least 50 years old. No need to worry that your potential date is still circulating a headshot from 1987; the site requires verification that photos uploaded accurately reflect a user’s current appearance. Lumen has a smaller pool of potential matches than other dating apps, but the company claims that 3,000 singles join each day, so you might find your AARPartner sooner than you think.
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Love between a pasta lover and a celiac sufferer is possible, but for those who prefer to avoid tortured conversation about dietary limits can now turn to GlutenfreeSingles. The site relieves the panic that your date drank wheat beer before your make-out sesh, and now you can both relentlessly interrogate the waiter about the exact ingredients of the cauliflower crust. In addition to dating, the service facilitates friend connections for the gluten avoidant and also accommodates those who follow kosher, halal, paleo, and macrobiotic diets.
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Are you a Bernie bro in search of a comely comrade? Let Red Yenta hook you up with fellow lovelorn socialists. The service places old-school-style personal ads on Twitter and Instagram, so you’ll have to commit to a bit of scrolling. But with luck you just might find your dream “bearded film lover, Marxist organizer” or “public servant looking for meaningful connection outside of corporate dating algorithms.” New singles are posted every Sunday, just give them a swipe left. Socialism: so sexy right now.
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Your mom gave the whole family 23andMe kits, which only proved that, yes, you really are related to those weirdos. So what else can you do with the results from the test, other than make informed health choices and potentially identify a serial killer? Use that data to find a date, of course. DNA Romance claims to use “differing DNA markers in major histocompatibility complex genes” to find your match. The subtle eugenics vibes are borderline creepy, but at least you’ll never end up going out with a long-lost cousin.
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