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Readers responded to our story about DNA ancestry testing with heartfelt tales of their own experiences, either happy or traumatic.

Some discovered they were adopted, or that the parents who raised them were not their biological parents. Others found half-siblings and other new relatives.

One man, Mark Hansen of Urbandale, Iowa, discovered that his mother’s doctor used his own semen to artificially inseminate her without her knowledge. Yet he has learned to accept this information without bitterness, and even with a sense of humor.

In an e-mail, Hansen wrote of a recent visit to the Vesterheim Norwegian-American museum in Decorah, Iowa:

I paid the admission fee and the person at the desk read my last name off my credit card. She said, “Ah, a Hansen, you must be Norwegian!?”

I chuckled a bit, paused to gather my thoughts for a witty response and said, “Well, I was until I took a DNA test.”

She looked at me a bit strangely and said, “You know those DNA tests aren’t always accurate, right?”

I said, “Oh, yes, they are, and I have taken three now.” She looked at me strangely again so I responded, “That’s OK, I still embrace the Norwegian heritage that I was raised with and now I have a much greater appreciation for Jewish history, too.” 

Here are excerpts from e-mails sent to the Asbury Park Press by readers of the USA TODAY NETWORK, along with videos and slideshows that illustrate the experiences of many families: 

Ellen Orrego of Red Bank, NJ

Raised by Eastern European Jewish parents, Ellen Orrego was frequently told that she looked Irish. About 18 months ago, two DNA tests told her she was indeed 85 percent British/Irish. And adopted.

“That idea was not completely foreign to me either because I grew up an only child, because I came along ten years after my parents were married (which was unusual for the time) and because, in general, I never quite felt that I fit in. 

I’m not quite sure where this leaves me. I did meet a woman from Hazlet (small world) who is my second cousin. She is trying to help me figure things out. Apparently, there’s a man who tested as a close family member or first cousin but he doesn’t seem to want to pursue his DNA relations any further because he doesn’t answer my messages. Very disappointing. 

Adding to the weirdness of my story, I taught in Catholic schools for over 35 years of my teaching career and I was very much in my comfort zone.”

DNA testing: Read the story that prompted all these readers to share their DNA news

Susan Cain of Long Branch, NJ

Susan Cain’s maternal uncle, Orville Robert Burleigh, went missing in the early 1920s, leaving behind his wife and three children.

A DNA match with a cousin revealed a clue.

“We contacted each other and discovered that my missing Uncle Orville was her grandfather. We exchanged pictures of him and it was my uncle. Still researching and can’t find the missing years or why he abandoned his first family. He had changed his last name to Butler but kept his first and middle names.

As Butler he remarried a Wai Tanaka Bassinger, widow of his friend. They lived in the Philippines, had three children. One is still living, in his 80s. One of Orville’s children from the first marriage is also living. We have all been in touch. Uncle Orville lived to be 63 years old and sadly never contacted his mother or other siblings who were all still alive.”

Ellen Shullaw of Crescent City, Calif.

Ellen Shullaw took two DNA tests, hoping to find out where her great-great-grandmother came from.

Instead, she received news that she regrets learning: the dad who raised her was not her biological father. Rather, Shullaw was conceived by her mother’s ex-husband.

“I am really disappointed in Ancestry and all the other companies doing this now. Their commericals only talk about what kind of clothes to wear when you find long-lost relatives. I know there is fine print that says you may find out unexpected things. I just wish they would tell how much hurt there comes from this unexpected news. I found out a few months before I turned 72 years old and it is news I could have lived my whole life without knowing.”

Ray Jackson of Gilmer, Texas

Ray Jackson had done extensive geneaological research, tracing his paternal line to the 1700s. But a DNA test revealed he was not related to his Jackson forebears.

“It will probably remain a mystery forever, sad to say. I would like to know my roots and I am not worried about the skeletons I’ll find. So many questions, so few answers.

I’ve settled down to the idea (that) I’m a Jackson, no matter what, but I still want very much to know. 
It’s very disappointing, but life is full of disappointments. When I talk to others about DNA testing, I always warn them, you may find more than you are willing to know. I am glad I did my testing after my dad’s passing, it might have caused him more grief.”

April Gust of Gardner, Kansas

April Gust was initially raised by her biological mother, but then grew up, unhappily, in foster care and in group homes. She did not know who her father was, until she took a DNA test. 

“Now I have found my biological father and his wife, and two sons. I didn’t expect the warm welcome I received from everyone. Here I am a single mother to four children, saying, “Hi, I think I’m your daughter, and by the way these are your grandkids, too.”

I knew right away I was looking at the right person. We share physical features and I see so much of myself in him; it’s so crazy. I hear him say things and the way he acts and I think, “This is who I am just like!” This is what I’ve been looking for, that part of who I am that I knew nothing of. It’s everything I ever dreamed of and wanted as a child.

Just because your parents say that they are your parents does not mean that they really are. I encourage people to think that that through (and the possible repercussions) before actually doing the DNA test.
Do you want to know if your parents aren’t your biological parents?

Could you live with the information if it said something different? If the answer is no or maybe, then do not do it. You can’t un-do this process!”

Mark Hansen of Urbandale, Iowa

At 48, Mark Hansen learned troubling news: his mother was inseminated with her doctor’s semen, rather than that of the dad who raised Hansen. He broke this news to his mother, and tried to establish a relationship with the doctor’s family, without success.

“My father told me three months before he passed away that he was not my biological father. He didn’t know who my biological father was, but he knew it wasn’t him. My mother was alive at that point. I asked her about the situation and she insisted my dad was my biological father. Later, after my DNA test established the fact that her doctor was my biological father, she felt violated. I spent considerable time on the telephone with her crying and me saying I was happy to be alive.

My mom told me she brought Dad’s sample to the doctor’s office and he took it to the back room and mixed something with it to make it more effective. She insisted she did not know he was adding his semen to the concoction.

This occurred back in the early to mid 1960s when things were different. People wanted children, and doctors wanted to help. I don’t view what occurred in a negative light. To put this in perspective, I am alive and I am very thankful efforts were made by all those involved.

RELATED: DNA testing and privacy: What are the risks?

I do have four other half-sisters with two of them in my same metropolitan area.  After I found out and after I thought about what to do with the information for months, I wrote them a heartfelt letter.  One showed up at my house the next day and we talked for three hours.  As a group, they have decided they do not want a relationship with me. They said in a letter, “We feel we have nothing in common to share.”

My aunts, uncles and cousins know the situation and they all have assured me we are still and will remain related.  

At first, I was angry that there was something about me that I didn’t know until I was 48 years old. That anger has subsided, and I even laugh about my situation sometimes, but I still wonder what would have been different in my life had I known earlier. I do know it would have answered some questions, like why it was that I didn’t get ANY physical traits from my dad. I believe I have trust issues now as a result, unfortunately.”   

Kristy Truland of Randoph, NJ

Kristy Truland has been an avid genealogist for the past five years, when she began researching her family line and tried to find the birth mother of her husband’s grandmother. DNA tests brought blockbuster news to her extended family.

“My husband’s adopted cousin tested in order to find her background. After two years, I was able to find her biological parents and she now has a friendly relationship with her biological mom. Her biological dad, unfortunately, did not want to pursue a relationship.
 
My ‘100% Irish’ brother-in-law, ‘R.,’  decided to test in order to find more family.

When his results came in, they showed 44% Irish, 34% French and 21% European Jewish. To try and solve the mystery, his father, “W.,” took the DNA test. Lo and behold, 48% Jewish and 48% French and no Irish. 

That meant that W.’s father was not the Irish man he thought. Of course, this really shook R.’s world.  His Irish last name and background were a huge part of his identity and still are. 

A 70+-year-old extended family member told me she wanted to test. After the situation with my brother-in-law, I cautioned her that some things might be found that would not be pleasant.  She made the statement that I’ve heard many times: “I know my family, so I’m not worried about any big surprises”.  

A couple months later, she called me very upset to say she had a first cousin match to a person she didn’t know. Through building out a family tree of the match, we determined the father who raised her was not her biological father.  She was devastated and it took her a long time to come to terms with it all.” 

Victoria Rivas of Long Branch, NJ

Victoria Rivas and her family welcomed with love an unexpected family member.

“In early 2014, my sister and I received a private Facebook message from a young lady who believed that my brother was her father. My brother had passed away in June of 2000 so we were quite surprised to receive the message since we only knew of his one daughter. I don’t think he even knew of her existence.

My sister and I agreed to help her find answers, even if it turned out that we were not her family. We chose to not tell our mother right away so as to not get her hopes up.

Well, I’m happy to report that my mother has a newfound granddaughter and we have a newfound niece. We are still working out the logistics of when to actually have a face-to-face.”

Jill Menson of Jackson, NJ

As an adoptee, Jill Menson did not have access to her original birth certificate until she was in her late 60s. That paperwork had some red herrings, but combined with DNA testing, it led to connections to her biological father’s family, and a loving relationship with her birth mother. 

“A few days after I mailed her letter, I received one back. My husband brought me the envelope and I cried when I read her name and saw her elderly handwriting. It began, ‘To my dearest, sweet daughter.’ 

I read the two-page letter, again and again. She was overjoyed that I finally found her and was sorry for the 30+ years it took me to do so. She confirmed my birth father and said she wanted to meet me soooo badly. We did meet shortly after that, after a few lengthy phone calls. Since last year, we have met six times, spent holidays visiting her, and I call her every Friday afternoon. I am truly blessed . We both are.”

Patricia King of Ocean County, NJ

A few years after taking a DNA test, Patricia King and her sisters discovered a half-sister, born of a liaison her father had when he was young.

“The story goes that in June 1945, on his way home from the Philippines in World War II, he had a layover in San Francisco where he had a brief encounter with a woman he did not know previously.

He told her his name and that he was headed home to New Jersey where his fiancée (not our mom) was waiting for him. A month later he was back in New Jersey and this woman in San Franisco found herself pregnant. She decided not to tell my dad about the pregnancy as she did not want to disrupt his life back in New Jersey. So in March of 1946 she gave birth to a girl and raised her with her future husband.

Our dad passed in 1976 and never knew about this child.

This summer one of my sisters and I traveled to California where we met her and spent a couple of days together. She also got to meet our dad’s cousin along with my daughters and three of my grandchildren. We shared pictures and info about dad and she shared pictures of her sons and grandchildren. I must admit it’s all been a bit much to take in, but we’ve adjusted to the idea by now.

We stay in touch via texts or emails but with her living 3,000 miles away from us and the four of us being a bit older and far down the path of life, I honestly don’t know how much of our lives will be any different due to this new finding. I do hope that she will make a trip East for a visit and she is hoping at some point to do the same.
 
When people tell me they are considering researching their DNA, the one piece of advice I give them is to be prepared for anything! You never know what might show up.”

 

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